i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
