if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
