the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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