Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
