I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
