your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
