Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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