all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
