Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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