i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
