My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
