is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
