apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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