proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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