I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
