I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You ruined the universe
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
