Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
this is an emotional support booty call
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I think people are normalizing furries
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
