he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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