Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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