we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize