nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
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she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
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IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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