I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
