You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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