Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
