I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize