I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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