i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
