walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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