We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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