I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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