I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I think a kid would responsible me up
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
