i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
