Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
