Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
