after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
