Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Randomize
