Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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