The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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