I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
