If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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