if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
