She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
