We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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