weddingsv make me drug and hornr
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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