Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
