It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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