I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
only you would photoshop your dick
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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