So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
