I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
