Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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