Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
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Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
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The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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