Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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