I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
