How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
