i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
should my penis look like a turkey
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
