Tell her she can't have a vagina
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Did I show you my penis last night?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
