he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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