do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
