Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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