im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
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