I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
