We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
