Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
